Don't be afraid to swim against the tide
Suzi was a 19-year-old student who came to see me with a problem that was obviously anxiety-related. She was a bundle of nerves, twisting a handkerchief repeatedly as she told me how unhappy she was. She had been brought up in a religious family, and had just left home to begin her university career. After some months she had met a boy she was deeply fond of, but who was pressurizing her to have sex
with him.
Suzi found herself with a moral dilemma. She did not want sex before marriage, even if it took many years to find Mr Right. Her boyfriend was nagging her to abandon these views and go to bed with him. She told me she was prepared to give him up, saying that if he respected her he would respect her wishes. I was puzzled about what was troubling her so much, as everything she had told me made perfect sense. It came out that, because she found it difficult to put her feelings into words, her boyfriend and other female students were verbally bullying her to try to make her 'join the crowd', as she put it. She was happy with her life but was being castigated for holding strong views and not being able to express them clearly. This was the cause of her anxiety.
This type of problem causes an enormous amount of stress both at home and at work. Our views often differ from those of our friends and acquaintances, as does our ability to express them. If we differ from our peers — especially as children or teenagers - we can be shunned or kept from participating in friendships and activities, which is deeply upsetting. If you feel you are being pressurized to change your opinions or beliefs, remember the following points:
This is bullying.Treat such people as bullies. (See Tip 11 for how to handle them.)

lifestyle
Take time to think clearly through your thoughts. Write them down and look at why you believe what you do. Keep this list where you can refer to it.
You have to live with yourself. Being coerced into doing something you do not want to do will only ever be a source of regret.
Sticking to your beliefs in the face of adversity is not easy. Expect to be tested — this is normal and most people will accept and respect someone who stands up for their views.
If you change your views, make sure you know why you are changing them. A change is fine, but changing your opinions without knowing why is not.
Suzi went away and wrote out her beliefs, which she found easier than expressing them verbally. This crystallized her thoughts and reaffirmed her views. Her boyfriend left her after he read what she had written, but she realized this showed the shallowness of their relationship and soon recovered. After some months, she has built up a circle of good friends who respect her for who she is, not for what they want her to be. She is now happier and less stressed than she was only a short time ago.
Never allow others to change your opinions. Your opinions are just as valid as those of everyone else, no matter who they are.

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