Talk like a grown-up
I always enjoy seeing the proud parents of a new baby. With a first child in particular, they are immersed in the role of parent, and everything else takes second place. This sometimes causes an unforeseen problem — I call it 'baby babble'.
Several weeks after their baby had been born I saw Simon and Hannah for a routine checkup. I had been treating Simon for many years for an alcohol problem he had managed to overcome, and was delighted to see him looking so happy. The couple were speaking in the usual baby talk most new parents fall into using, and it was difficult to get anything like a normal conversation out of
them.
Some months later I saw the family again. It was obvious Simon was drinking heavily, and he and Hannah were no longer talking to each other in an adult way. Whenever I tried to raise the problem of Simon's alcoholism, the talk went straight back to baby matters.The baby was being used as an excuse to avoid serious issues, babble had replaced adult conversation and they were drifting apart. Eventually, I insisted on seeing them without the baby so they could focus on what was being said. Over several sessions they began to talk honestly and openly about what had happened during the previous months, and they shed many tears.
Simon has now stopped drinking, and he and Hannah have a deeper understanding of each other. Each evening they also make a point of saying 'grown-up time', a cue for them to put away the baby talk and speak honestly to each other. They say this has been their lifeline, and I believe them.
However, new parents do not need to have as dramatic a problem as this for communication to dry up. Exhaustion is the norm, sex becomes intermittent or non-existent, and new fathers

.Relationships
can resent the attention their partner lavishes on the new arrival. This leads to less, rather than more, discussion about feelings, until there is a major argument about a petty matter, which in turn leads to increased stress.
In this situation it is vital to communicate with your partner. Say how tired you are and ask for help — don't bottle up your feelings. You will come through this trying time intact if you work as a team rather than two irritable, resentful people.
Baby babble arrives with a new baby, at a time when communication between couples is often at its most stretched, so always take the time to discuss adult feelings regularly.

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