Think sex not stress
A patient with sexual difficulties said to me, 'The problem with sex is that men think physical and women think affection.'This may be an overstatement, but I know what she meant. Sex means different things to different people, but it is one of the best ways to reduce stress that there is. A recent study showed that people with fulfilling sex lives - and this does not mean you have to swing from the chandeliers — were more relaxed and in better mental health than those without. Another study of sexual activity and ageing found that couples who made love three times a week looked ten years younger than those who have sex twice a week. Sex keeps you fit, boosts your immune system and releases natural endorphins -which relax the body. (It has even been estimated that having sex twice a week for a year will burn up around 10,000 calories!)
Yet where in our busy lives do we find the time to become younger, fitter and free from stress, especially with a young family? As the father of three small energetic children, I know that constantly feeling half-asleep is not a natural aphrodisiac. Tiredness can also start a trend, with the couple's sex life dwindling to virtually zero — and it may be difficult to restore as the children grow up. The old saying of'Use it or lose it' applies here.
Inevitably, there will be times when sex has to take a back seat. Looking ten years younger is all very •well, but if you have a new baby and are only getting three hours' sleep a night, you may happily trade sex for an extra hour in bed. Accept this for the moment, but don't close this part of your relationship for ever. Above all, talk about what is happening. Men find it hard to understand why sex goes off the menu when a new baby arrives, and can easily feel rejected, especially if they also feel threatened by the new arrival. Women may crave affection and understanding rather than sex.

.Relationships
Unless couples discuss their feelings they will reach an impasse. Naturally it is better to continue the sexual relationship, but if you are in a rut, climb out of it now.
Plan a weekend trip away, make love at a different time or in a different place. If children are a problem, find a time when they are not there. Don't forget that 'quickie sex' can be highly erotic and satisfying, and produces the same benefits of reducing stress as prolonged sex. It can also revitalize a stale relationship.
Remember not to expect fireworks every time — think of the sexual rule of three. Out of nine times when you make love, three of these may be just all right, three may be good and three may be spectacular. Whatever your particular ratio is, remember there is no such thing as an 'average sex life'. What matters is that you and your partner are happy.
Having sex is a great way to relieve stress. Make time to enjoy it, and if children dampen your ardour, choose tunes when they are not around. Quickie sex can be as good at easing stress as prolonged love-making.

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