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Resist the argument cycle
Just as you cannot expect to be loved and admired by everyone you meet, you will never be able to win every argument. If you think you always do, think again — this is self-delusion. The problem we have with arguments is that they tend to happen more often -with people we are closest to — family and friends. I can argue with a prisoner and forget it happened five minutes later, but an argument with a family member will upset me for some time. Because no two people are exactly alike, compromise is necessary to make relationships -work. Sometimes this is smoothly negotiated, sometimes not - hence an argument. As one woman said to me, 'I love my husband deeply, but hate him just as deeply sometimes.' A person may also take flak from an argument through no fault of their own, but because they simply happen to be in the firing line. Examine your reasons for arguing:
The classic reason: you are upset about something that has happened to you and feel wronged or cross.
To get an adrenalin surge, which you need to deal with problems at work or to face up to someone you do not like.

.Relationships
To let off steam that is a result of frustration. You haven't been able to deal with the frustration properly, and it has built up to breaking point.
All these and more are reasons for arguing with anyone you choose, but before you dive headlong into an argument, take a deep breath and ask yourself why you want to start. If you are rising to a bait dangled by someone else, or automatically challenging a point of view that does not concur with yours, think again. Remember, it may be the other person who wants the argument, not you. If you have thought about it and still choose to argue, go ahead, but remember, if you feel frustrated and upset at the end it was your choice.
A Jehovah's Witness once sat in front of me; challenging me to argue with her stand on blood transfusions. I refused, pointing out that our views would never be the same on this point, and I would not lecture her on the matter. The more she goaded me, the calmer my reply, until she smiled and said,'Good. I was just testing you to see if you were calm under pressure, because that's what I want from my doctor.' She did not actually want an argument, but was using one as a pretext to check me out. I, however, held very strong views on a point that would have been fruitless to discuss, so kept my counsel. The result for both of us was an improved understanding of each other, and we now have an excellent doctor-patient relationship which would have been in tatters if I had decided to argue.

To get attention when you feel you are being taken for granted by someone. The argument may occur away from the person concerned. For example, you may argue at work because it is a 'safe' place to argue compared with home, so there will not be any long-term damage to your relationship as a result.

Do not go hunting the adrenalin arguments create, and stop the cycle of anger and frustration in its tracks, listen to another point of view rather than automatically getting into fighting mode, and you may well end up winning the argument anyway.

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