Don't sabotage your life
There are a group of patients I see who seem to sabotage their lives deliberately. This is either because of a fear of failure or because they think a new relationship could never succeed. Jenny is one - a young single mum who enjoys singing and dancing, and with a considerable acting talent. It is her dream to audition for the professional stage, but despite my encouragement she always has an excuse why she never has. These have ranged from difficulties with baby-sitters, being overweight and feeling too tired, to not being able to find transport to get to auditions. Some of these may be genuine reasons, but none is insurmountable. The more I see of her the more I know she has a deep-seated belief she is going to be rejected, so she does not try.
This is a common trait. We fear rejection, and if it occurs we take it personally. Failing a driving test means you will never be able to drive, poor marks in an exam mean you may as well give up your course, and a failed relationship suggests you will always be the bridesmaid, never the bride. To understand why you have failed or been rejected you need to do one thing - analyse. OK, so you did worse in your exam than you were expecting. If you had not prepared properly, not studied as you should have and not done your best before you went into it then you probably are at fault and need to look at how badly you want to succeed. No one will put success in your lap for you - you need to work for it. If you want success, try again. If you did your best, there are two possibilities. Did you simply have a bad day, as anyone can have, and your mark in no way reflects your ability? Did nerves affect your performance? If so, learn the techniques to reduce these. The other possibility is that you did do your best, and this is the mark you were given. If so, perhaps this subject is not for you, or are there other

.Crisis Management
ways to get to where you want to be. Look at all the options before giving up on anything.
In the drawer of my writing desk, I keep a copy of a book written by John Creasey, the famous crime novelist. I have never read it, but it is there because it reminds me that he had an unbroken succession of 743 rejections before his book was accepted by a publisher - severe by anyone's standards. At the last count over 60 million of his books had been printed.
If you are constantly being rejected, try not to take It personally. Instead, analyse the cause. Assess if it is unrelated to you, or if you are someone who deliberately sabotages their own life for fear of trying new skills or relationships.

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