Test your friends
At a recent dinner party, I sat next to the hostess, a well-known woman who reminded me of one of Tom Wolfe's 'social X-rays' -anorexically thin and weighed down with jewellery and prejudices. I chatted to her as amiably as I could, while she continually looked over my shoulder, relentlessly scanning the room for bigger social prizes. She enumerated hundreds of dear, wonderful and famous friends she was so lucky to have, and gushed about how they all loved her parties. I felt sorry for her. I knew that nobody in that room was her friend. More to the point, she knew it too.
It may be a cliche, but it is only when your life goes through a difficult phase that you find out who your real friends are. Real friendship means knowing that they will help you at three o'clock in the morning without question if you ask them; it also means being able to resume a deep friendship after a long period without contact, As a doctor, I advise patients who are going through a crisis to lean on their friends as heavily as they need to, but to remember that the best way to gain a good friend is to be one. The people who best survive stress are those who not only have real friends to call on for support, but also are happy with their own company - in a sense they are their own friends.
Friends serve two main purposes. The first is appraisal. They provide objective advice when you are too stressed to think clearly. The quality of this advice may vary, but it can be a useful counterweight to your own thinking. The second is enjoyment. Few things match the satisfaction and sheer enjoyment that come from a friendship based on shared interests and the knowledge that you can count on each other.
I am not a man who joins clubs, and my friendships are forged over long periods. This is partly a result of my quintessential

.Crisis Management
English reserve — I starch my upper lip every day before facing the world - and because I value the calm and silence that good friends can sometimes share. Friendships between British men are traditionally undemonstrative, but I have witnessed conversations between male friends where more is said by a playful punch on the arm than by any words that pass between them. The superficial appearance of a friendship does not matter as long as a deep and mutual trust exists. To a male eye, female friends seem able to talk about anything, whereas football and cars — safe conversation - are often our talking points, progressing to intimate levels of discussion only when we know no one is going to laugh at what we say - the number-one killer to the male persona.
In Crocodile Dundee the hero hears that a New Yorker is seeing his analyst. He responds, 'Doesn't he have any mates?'
As a doctor, I can't beat that.
You only know who your real friends are when you need them in a crisis. Don't spend time with people you don't like purely because of a sense of duty. Have friends you actively like, and who are supportive. Remember - never be afraid to move on from people who are determined to stay in a rut that you want to leave behind.

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