.Personal Development

Lose some battles
On another level, I often have to deal with highly argumentative people who are determined to make issues about nothing, and whom I will never be able to please. To deal with such people:

Why do we argue? It is usually because we hold strong views on something and are unhappy about not getting our point across to others. However, it can also be because:
You feel aggrieved towards someone because of something they have done to you.
You have a sense of being trampled on and need to fight back. You are having a bad day and want to get it off your chest.
It is a long-running argument in which you feel you have no option but to keep arguing to save your pride, even if you know you are wrong.
You are naturally grumpy.
The buzz you get from arguing is important to you.
There are, of course, many other reasons, and few of us go through life without arguing on a fairly regular basis. This is fine as long as we know which battles to win, since arguing for the sake of it is ultimately fruitless. I see huge numbers of young men in prison who are there simply because they didn't walk away from an argument they should have walked away from. Such arguments are usually over the most inconsequential things, and these men often cannot believe they will be sitting in a prison cell for years to come because of it. Contrary to popular belief, most accept they should have been put in jail, but feel aggrieved that it was for something so stupid.

Remember the ways of coping with bullies (see Tip 11), and use the 'mental wall' (Tip 12) to keep their anger away.
If you feel you are right, you will always think that.You don't always need to argue to prove it. Let it go.
Avoid fruitless and frustrating arguments by putting a full stop to them. Say 'We will never see eye to eye on this and must agree to disagree. Now let's move on.' By saying this you are neither giving in nor winning - the two ways most people look at this problem.
If someone persists in arguing after this, they need to know you will not rise to the bait. Remember how to be assertive, not aggressive, and be firm in your manner and speech. If you have done your best in your dealings with such people, more than this means they are taking advantage of you.
It may not be your fault anyway. You may simply be in the wrong place at the wrong time. If an argument upsets you, flush it away at the end of the day.
There are some battles we should not fight, although knowing which these are is never easy. Losing 'no-win' battles is better than trying to save your pride.

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