98J
^Sk^diiti^^ysi'j^l
Don't shoot the messenger
There are many times when a patient sits in front of me and rails against how unfair the world is. Unfortunately this is sometimes true, but often it is not. A good example of the latter is someone who feels everyone is rude to them, and who gets no help from anyone in their life. They are blameless themselves and describe their behaviour in near-perfect terms, but their aggressive and hostile manner suggests they are anything but calm and considerate. This problem of balancing how each of us sees the world against how the world sees us is timeless, and the principles of dealing with it are constant:

..Personal Development
If you don't like hearing what someone says about you, it is not going to do you any good if you take it out on them - they are only being honest. I know of a highly respected figure in the industrial world who was invited onto an important advisory panel, chaired by an eminent household name. At the first meeting, and according to his brief, he put forward a series of proposals that were correct but unpopular. At the end of the meeting he heard the chairman say,'We should all thank Professor Bloggs for his contribution to the meeting, as he will not be attending again.' He recounted this story to me with amusement some months later, adding that most of the committee had subsequently been fired for saying what they thought. In doing this, the chairman rendered the whole project useless, and was soon removed from office himself. Remember — shooting the messenger will ultimately ricochet onto you.

If you are consistently told one thing about yourself by a number of people - you are grumpy, they think you are lazy, or you are thought of as always being first out of the .taxi and last to the bar - they cannot all be lying. If you think they are, this is not just unhealthy, it is paranoia. Learn to listen to what is being said about you, and don't be in too much of a hurry to dismiss it all as sour grapes. The truth is in there.
You don't have to change your whole personality to get on better with the world. This is impossible anyway - leopards don't change their spots - but you can meet it half-way. If your problem is one of temper, count to ten before rising to bad news. If you are quick to criticize, imagine how you would feel if you were on the receiving end of your sharp tongue. Remember, you are likely to lose rather than win if you feel everyone is against you, because they will turn their back and deal with someone more amenable instead.

There is always a balance to be struck between what you expect from the world, and how the world views you. Learn to listen to other people's view of you. If they all say the same thing, it is unlikely they are all wrong.

206
207